Free Books!!

I stumbled across http://booksneeze.com/, a website that gives free Christian books to bloggers who are willing to read the books and write a book review. If you like to read and have a blog that meets their requirements, I highly recommend it.

You can choose between several books and can request e-book or hard copy. I requested a hard copy and received it within about a week. The requirements are that you have 90 days to read the book and post your review. Once you do, you can request another book.

I need to get off here and start reading!!

Freedom is Rising

I was blessed to be able to go to Greenbrier tonight to see the Arkansas All State Drama Team! They did a fantastic job, but I expected nothing less. When I saw them last year, I cried. This year was slightly less teary eyed (but I still cried).

They have been traveling the state this week with a message of freedom! Freedom from any chain or bondage that may be entrapping you. Big things like drugs, alcohol, pornography, and cutting to the little things we all may face in life like fear and depression.

In all the running around this week I have been overwhelmed by the same message. Bondage can be broken and freedom has arrived! That's a scary thing to say for me, because it insinuates that bondage won't return. I have lived through cycles of bondage so it is hard to state in public for others to hear that bondage is gone and chains are broken because there is a part of me that is just waiting for the next chains to come.

I guess that is a chain in itself. Constantly living waiting for the next bondage to come and fear of what's ahead. Not fully living in freedom because I'm just waiting for the next entrapment. Over thinking and over analyzing situations in life is like second nature to me. What can I say, it's probably what drove me to get an accounting degree!

Christ has said, that I am free, my family is free, and my life is a story of redemption walking around everyday. I can't live life waiting for the hammer to fall again.

Living free in Christ is a privilege. It is a gift from God. If your Father gave you a new iPhone as a gift, would you refuse to use it because there may come a day when you drop it and crack the screen? Would you give it back to your dad and say I don't want it because I may not have it for long? That's crazy. No one would do that. Maybe they would get an otter box to protect it while they use it, but they wouldn't just refuse to accept the gift.

That's what it's like when Christ gives you freedom and salvation in Him! It is a gift from our Heavenly Father. To refuse it for fear that it won't last is like refusing to take the iPhone because you think it won't last. Accept the gift with joy and the wholehearted belief that it will last. Protect the gift with prayer and getting in the word. Proclaim the gift (brag about it) like you would the iPhone. It is a freely given gift and it is available for everyone. If you could give everyone you meet a free iPhone, wouldn't you? I know I would! So why not share the free gift we do have?

Countless times this week, Gods message to me has been, "you have been set free", "The past is over. Whether it was 10 years ago or 1 week ago, it is still the past", "You have a new beginning", and "Trust me and just keep moving forward".

If you are in central Arkansas you can still catch the drama team Sunday morning in Sheridan or Sunday night in Jacksonville. I highly recommend it!!

Live Life UNSTUCK!!

This week has been full of Jesus, from Revival services, to hearing about the great things going on at kid’s camp, to waking up in the middle of the night dealing with life changing thoughts and revelations. I’m expecting even more tonight with All State Drama Tour!

During service Tuesday night, I had a moment that hit me like ton of bricks. Interestingly enough, it wasn’t the main focus of the service. Have you ever had those moments in church? The preacher is preaching on one thing but you walk away with a totally different thing from it? Well, that is what happened to me.

The message was on finishing your race. It was heavily geared toward encouraging you, if you fall, to get back up and keep running. To never look away from the finish line and to stay focused on it. Something that was said struck me the way it was meant, and then in another way also. “There is no rule in track that says if you fall you are disqualified”. Wow, think about it! Life is a race, and if you fall or make mistakes, you are not automatically disqualified. You should pick yourself up and keep going.

On the flip side of that, I was hit between the eyes with another thought. If in life someone else (not you) falls, they are not automatically disqualified. For those I love, when they fall (because let’s be honest, we all do at some time or another) I need to realize that it isn’t the end. They aren’t disqualified and they have the ability to pick themselves up and keep running the race.

Here is the bottom line. If you fall down in the race of life, the only person keeping you down is yourself. You can pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep running toward the finish line. If you are struggling with someone else’s fall in life, the only one keeping you from moving forward and finishing your own race, is you. Don’t let someone else’s mistakes in life, keep you stuck where you are. Dwelling on them and wallowing in self-pity over them, does nothing for them and it does nothing for you.

Live life UNSTUCK! Release yourself and others from what is holding you down, not by some magic formula, but by making a choice to run your race looking forward to the finish line, not looking back at the past or in the lane next to you at the person beside you. Pray for the person in the lane next to you and encourage them as they run their race, but don’t get stuck standing there waiting on them.

Live life UNSTUCK! Always MOVING FORWARD!!

Rise Up and Walk

Our church has been in revival this week with Evangelist Robby Mitchell. The Holy Spirit has been moving and Bro. Robby’s messages have been relevant and real. Sunday night he preached a word on "nothing". He talked about when you are down to nothing that is when miracles can happen.

I went home Sunday night and had an extremely long night. I couldn’t sleep. I kept tossing and turning and my mind was just racing. I thought through my life and all the "nothing" moments it has contained. All the "stuff" that has happened in my life that would drive people to a place of nothingness. I made a list and then I sat back and thought how sad it was that I could list so many things that would drive a person to nothingness that has actually happened in my family’s life and I’m not even 30 years old yet.

I have to be honest here. I struggled Sunday night with the altar call, because while in many ways we have hit a place of nothingness, I haven’t looked at it that way. For the last few years I may feel burdened and be going through trials, but I have chosen to say, "God knows my trials and He is handling my situation". I haven’t "looked" at my nothingness.

As the night went on, I finally fell asleep around 4:00 AM. I woke up again around 6:00 remembering a song that I learned years ago in a Vacation Bible School I attended. The theme that year was Peter Rock. There was a song about when Peter met the lame man at the temple gate. The words were, "silver and gold have I none, but such as I have give I thee, in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth rise up and walk."

I haven’t sung that song in years but it came back to my memory that morning. Why, so God could remind me of something. I started thinking about the miracles that are in the Bible. Not only were the people down to nothing, but they were asked to do something in order to see the fruit of the miracle. They were asked to actually take steps in faith in order for their miracle to occur.

Acts 3:6-8 (NKJV)
Then Peter said, "Silver and gold I do not have, but what I do have I give you: In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, rise up and walk." And he took him by the right hand and lifted him up, and immediately his feet and ankle bones received strength. So he, leaping up, stood and walked and entered the temple with them—walking, leaping, and praising God

The lame man at the temple gate as referred to in the VBS song, for example, had to stand up and walk. Now, I realize that the Holy Spirit made it possible (thus the miracle that occurred) but the lame man had to trust the Holy Spirit enough and step out in faith to stand up and start walking.

Sometimes we get down to nothing and we want to see a miracle. But how often do we just wallow in our nothingness, waiting on a miracle, but we just want to sit there and DO nothing. I have been guilty of this myself at times. If you are waiting on a miracle, don’t do it sitting down. Stand up!! Take a step!!

There are two other points I want to make about this particular miracle in the Bible. This particular miracle happened after Jesus had ascended into heaven and sent the Holy Spirit. Guess what that means? Miracles can still happen! They didn’t ascend into heaven with Jesus. They are just as real today as they were in the Bible. I also really love "And he took him by the right hand and lifted him up"! Peter, "prayed" or asserted his authority that was given to him and started this miracle in motion, but he didn’t stop there. He showed by his actions that he believed that the man would be healed and he helped the man up. He didn’t just pray for him from a distance. He made a personal connection with the man.

This blog post today I am writing as much for myself as anything. First to remind myself that while we should trust the Lord to work in our lives and our situations, we have to sometimes actually acknowledge the truth of where we are in life, even if where we are is the lowest place we can imagine being. Secondly, to remind myself that when I’m waiting for a miracle, I have to be willing to move myself. I have to be willing to stand up and walk! I can’t ask to be healed of being lame and just stay seated on the ground when my miracle comes. RISE UP AND WALK!!!

Love is Patient



Picture from http://joshfults.com/



What does it mean when the Bible says love is patient?

There are some people that it is easier to be patient with than others for various reasons. As Christians, we are called to show love to all people. Thus, we are called to have patience with all people.

An example of being patient with someone we love is my grandpa. My grandpa died ten years ago of Alzheimer's disease. This is a terrible disease that breaks down your mind and its ability to function properly. It is more than just being forgetful. It is your brain shutting down slowly which may seem to be just forgetfulness at first but eventually it forgets to tell your kidneys to do their job, or it forgets to tell your body you are hungry so you don't eat. If you have ever had to deal with an Alzheimer's patient, you know it can be trying and exhausting. When the person is a family member that you love, it is easier to understand that you are battling a disease, not your loved one. And it is a little bit easier to have more patience with them than others.

How do you show love to an Alzheimer’s patient? If you hear the same story twenty times in one day, you still act as though it’s the first time you heard it. If you get called by a name other than your own, you just answer to it anyway. If you get asked the same question over and over again, you smile and answer it for the tenth time in a row. You do this because you love your family member and don't want to be rude to them knowing they can't help it. You do this because it is the right thing to do. You patiently love them despite their disease.

This is an example of showing patience in love that I think everyone would do no matter what they believed or if they were a Christian or not. This is how most of the world would treat a family member with Alzheimer’s. So what is it about 1 Corinthians 13 kind of love that is different? What is it that makes this kind of love stand out in the world?

The difference is that we as Christians are called to have patience with others and love them despite what they have done to us. Human beings are imperfect not matter which one you talk to. Even your closest friend at some point in life will hurt your feelings or do something to disappoint you. What makes this kind of love different is that we are called to show it because it is right, not because it is fair or just.

Patience is not something that is easy to show when the person you are showing it to has hurt you. There are times in life when people will do things that will absolutely devastate your world. You have a choice to love them and patiently deal with the situation at hand, or to walk away from them and give up on them because you don’t want to face the hurt and it seems like an easier solution. The world often tells us this. It often tells us divorce for example, is a better option than standing by your spouse during difficult times. Divorce often would be a quicker solution to ending the turmoil, but really, it’s just creating a different set of problems. Patiently loving your spouse through the hard times is what God would ask us to do.

I have had situations in my own life where God asked me to be patient and keep loving someone even though they had truly devastated me by their actions. The worlds view was telling me that it was time to move on and just let go of this person even though that is the last thing I wanted to do. But God said, keep loving them and keep trusting me. Patience is huge here because it is asking us to just keep waiting for things to get better even when it looks like it never will. It is asking us to put our heart on our sleeve and love someone no matter what we get in return. Patience and waiting on the Lord turned out to be the best choice. That relationship is healing now and it is still intact today. It is only so because I chose to obey what God was asking me to do, even when the world would have told me the complete opposite.

Love is patient… Take a deep breath, say a prayer for strength, and be patient with those around you whether they deserve it or not. It is a way to show them the love of Jesus!

Love Never Fails

In beginning a journey to understand what love truly is, I started the same place that many people would. In fact, there are three common places that people look to help them figure out what something is: 1) the dictionary, 2) the thesaurus, and 3) Google.

Miriam Webster says love can be either a noun or a verb (meaning, it can be a thing or an action). Defined as a noun Webster says the following:

• strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties <maternal love for a child> 
• attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers 
• affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests <love for his old schoolmates> 
• warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion <love of the sea>
• the object of attachment, devotion, or admiration <baseball was his first love> 

As a verb or action, Webster defines love the following way:

• to hold dear : cherish
• to feel a lover's passion, devotion, or tenderness for 
• to like or desire actively : take pleasure in <loved to play the violin>
• to thrive in <the rose loves sunlight>

Using a thesaurus to find other words for love (synonyms) you find:

• Affection
• Attachment
• Devotedness
• Devotion
• Fondness
• Passion

All of this really describes the feelings and emotions associated with love. It doesn’t really tell me what love is. I mean, what love really is. So, I keep looking.

1 Corinthians 13 is affectionately known by many as the love chapter. It is an entire chapter of the Bible devoted to describing the characteristics and importance of love as it relates to Christian living. In this chapter Paul is relaying to the church at Corinth that no matter how many spiritual gifts (spoken of in Chapter 12) that you possess or how great they are in their manifestation, they mean nothing if you don't have true Agape love in operation in your life.

Agape love refers to a type of love that no matter what, always seeks the good of others. It asks nothing in return of the person it was given to. To love someone with agape love is a matter of choice, not of emotion. It loves another whether you receive love in return or not.

This type of love is foreign to the world. Look at the definitions in Webster. They are all based around how someone else makes us feel, not how we treat another person. We are taught by society that we should love those who prove themselves lovable. We are brought up to critique the actions of others and to set boundaries and enforce consequences when those actions prove less than acceptable. This applies to all relationships but is especially true in marriage.

Women, more than men, seem to be encouraged to hold their spouses to a high standard and then leave them when they fall short. Our world has created a system for marriage that is easy come, easy go. In Arkansas, it takes about $50 to get a marriage license. What does it take to get a divorce?

One day I was in the office supply area of Wal-Mart looking for something and on the bottom shelf I noticed a "do it yourself divorce kit". It cost about $25. I am sure you would have to pay a filing fee to file the paperwork, but the point is it possibly wouldn't take much if both parties agreed and had no issues of property or custody to work out.

This thought process is completely opposite of the biblical teachings of agape love, which I will continue to delve into in future posts. 1 Corinthians 13 has challenged me lately. I have found myself reading, "Love endures all things" and saying, "even this, God?” I can name many situations in life when the world would say, "this is too much, just walk away" or “Why would you put up with this, they aren’t worth it”. God keeps saying to me, "Love never fails".

In taking this journey of discovering what true love is, I'm starting with the encouragement that "Love Never Fails". I’m not talking about the world’s definition of love; I’m talking about the love of Jesus in your life and through your life. If you are going through an "even this?" type of situation, hang with me a bit and see where this journey goes! I cannot promise you that life will be a bed of roses, but I can promise you that Gods way is best and His love will not fail you.

Love Is...

I sometimes think that we have a misconstrued idea of what love is. When most people use the word love or think about love, they tend to think about what they felt like when they were dating a certain person or what they want someone to make them feel like some day. They put a great deal of emphasis on feelings and emotions. That is a natural part of human love, but there is far more to love than feelings and emotions.

The Bible is full of verses about love. How much God loves us and how we can show Him our love in return. How we should love our families and a command to love our enemies. How to love friends and how to love the random people we meet from day to day.

Lately, I have had a burden in my heart concerning love. I have decided to write about it and post it here. I can’t tell you I will post every three days, or once a week, or anything like that. I will post as I feel led and complete a thought on a certain aspect of love. I am praying in this that someone else will be blessed and may consider something they haven’t before. My goal in writing is only to express the things I have learned lately in hopes that it will benefit others.

Enjoy!

Sacrificial Obedience

When God speaks to us and gives us direction, we have a choice to either obey His direction or to run in the opposite direction. For most born again Christians the choice is easy and they would obviously choose to obey God. But what do we do when God is calling us in a direction that we don't want to go in. Not because we don't want to obey God, but because what He is asking of us is the hardest thing He has ever asked of us before and honestly, it is seemingly unfair that we should be the one bearing this load.

One choice we have is to choose to do what we want to instead of what God is asking us to. That would be the easy way out in the moment, or so it would seem. History seems to show though that this option usually results in misery until you change direction and return to the way God wants you to go. Take Jonah for example. God asked him to go to Nineveh. He chose to go the opposite direction. Where did that get him? Swallowed by a big fish!! That could not have been a pleasant experience.

Maybe we decide that we want to obey God. We truly do have a desire to do what He is asking of us, but what He is asking doesn't make sense in this world. Choosing this way that God is leading, means that the people around us will likely call us crazy, stupid, nieve, or even ignorant. Noah faced this same delima. What God asked Noah to do seemed ridiculous to the people of his time. However, if Noah had refused to build the ark, he would have suffered the fate of the flood like the rest of the people did. Not only that, his family also would have suffered the same fate. Noah's decision to follow God's direction saved him and his family literally from death. His obedience meant life for his family.

Sometimes obedience requires sacrifice. It sometimes requires us to take the criticism of others. It sometimes requires us to put our own feelings aside. God often asks us to forgive those who have hurt us. That is a task that depending on the circumstances could seem almost impossible. When we are hurting, forgiveness is sometimes the last thing we want to think about. To forgive others in the midst of hurt and betrayal requires you to put aside your own feelings in exchange for showing love and giving grace to the one who hurt you.

Sometimes the sacrifice of obedience means giving up possessions or uprooting to physically go somewhere else to do something for The Lord. Missionaries and Evangelists do this throughout their life and for most it becomes a part of who they are. What if you aren't a missionary or evangelist and you begin to feel that calling. What if you are that person who has lived in the same house your entire life and had dreams of retiring there? Sacrificial obedience.

The good news is that God hasn't called us to stand on our own two feet to accomplish what He asks us to do. His word clearly tells us over and over again that He is our strength, our help, and our shield. It tells us that He will carry our burdens and fight our fights. If He is asking something hard of you, consider this, He will not ask more of you than you and Him together can bear. You may feel overwhelmed and unable to bear the load, but that's ok, because He isn't asking you to bear it alone.

Scripture to stand on:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths. (Proverbs 3:5, 6 NKJV)

Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful. (Colossians 3:12-15 NKJV)

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11 NKJV)

But now, thus says the Lord, who created you, O Jacob, And He who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, Nor shall the flame scorch you. For I am the Lord your God, The Holy One of Israel, your Savior; I gave Egypt for your ransom, Ethiopia and Seba in your place. Since you were precious in My sight, You have been honored, And I have loved you; Therefore I will give men for you, And people for your life. (Isaiah 43:1-4 NKJV)

Re-Routing

If I could go back and change the steps I've taken in life, would I?

If I could undo the decisions I've made and make different ones, would I?

If I could take back words and actions in my past, would I?

On many occasions my answer to these questions would be a resounding YES!! The reality is that the road I've traveled was paved by the words I've spoken, my actions, and decision that I've made. While I didn't always say the right things, do the right things, or make the right decisions in life, to change them would change my path. While there are days I long for a different road to travel, I realize that taking a different path, traveling a different road, would change my story. It would change the people who have come into my life. It would change the people's lives I have been able to come into (yes, those are two different things).

I heard today (from this message from The Ramp) that life is like a GPS. God has a calling on our lives and He gives us directions to follow to get us to the place of fulfilling that calling. If you take a wrong turn, it doesn't change the destination you are trying to get to. It changes the route you have to take to get there. It probably will make the trip take longer and possibly be more difficult, but it doesn't change the end destination.

If I could go back, would I? I don't think I would. The wrong turns have taught me things I never would have learned had I not taken them. I have grown in ways I don't think I ever would have known I could possibly grow had I not been given the unique opportunities that have crossed my path. Most importantly, if I had not been down the path I have, I would be much less prepared to help others who keep hearing "re-routing" from the GPS. My experiences in life, though not always pleasant, will serve a purpose both in my own life and in helping others.

If you keep hearing "re-routing" just keep going. Follow the directions as best you can, but know that if you make a wrong turn, it doesn't change the end destination. Don't stop!! Don't give up!! Don't quit!! Keep moving forward in Christ!

Perfect Peace

In a world full of so much pain and trouble, it is hard to imagine "Perfect Peace". Does that really exist? Well, I believe every word that is in the Bible, so YES, it’s real.

You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You. - Isaiah 26:3 (NKJV)

What exactly is perfect peace?

Perfect peace does NOT mean that your troubles will disappear. It does NOT mean that life will be easy. It does NOT mean that even more trials than you face now will not come your way.

So what does it mean? I am going to be honest; this is a promise in the Word that I am trying to hold onto. It isn’t easy when life is beating you up to believe that you can have peace at all, much less perfect peace.

Isaiah 26:3 says that if I keep my mind focused on God and TRUST HIM, He will give me perfect peace. Peace won’t come from worrying or wondering, it will come from TRUSTING in the Lord.

This post is not me telling you that I have attained the level of Trusting that provides this kind of peace. I don’t feel peaceful most of the time. However, it is me reminding myself to stop worrying and start TRUSTING again.

If you look up the definition of "peace" you don’t find a feeling. You find a state of being. So whether I FEEL at peace or not is irrelevant. What is relevant is the promise that God will give me perfect peace:

• A state of tranquility or quiet
• A state of security or order
• Freedom from disquieting or oppressive thoughts or emotions
• Harmony in personal relations

And God said "Trust Me"

I want to follow up on my Mother’s Day post. I wrote that post late Friday night and posted it around 1:30 AM on Saturday morning. Throughout the day on Mother’s Day, my thoughts turned quite frequently to my baby that I never met. I am always in awe of God and His love for His children. God reminded me of some things on Sunday and I want to share those with you as well. Mostly because I know I’m not the only one who has been through a miscarriage so I want to share with you what God shared with me.

First of all, I want to remind you that God has a plan for our futures and it is a good plan! "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV) We don’t always understand why things happen in our lives, but we need to keep trusting the promise that God has plans to prosper us and give us hope, plans for a future that is beyond anything we could ever imagine. You might wonder why a loving God would take a child away from us in order to fulfill some other part of His plan and how that is in any way a good plan! This verse of scripture is often used to give encouragement, but most of the time when people quote this verse they forget to remind others that these words were spoken to a group of people who were being punished by God. Now, I’m not saying that if you have a miscarriage it is a punishment from God (I don’t believe that all), but what I am saying is that even in a time where God was punishing a people, He was reminding them of the good that He had planned for their future. To me, knowing this makes this verse even more encouraging. We serve a faithful, loving God, who wants the very best for us. He isn’t out to get us or make us suffer in vain.

As I was thinking about my baby this weekend, I was praying and thanking God for raising my baby in heaven, since I couldn’t raise my baby here on earth. At that moment, God reminded me of some things. Our job as parents on this earth is to raise our children in the Lord. To teach them right and wrong, to teach them to love and serve God, and to teach them about salvation and what it takes to spend eternity with God in Heaven. That is our most important job as parents.

Psalm 127:3 says, "Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him." (NIV). The word heritage refers to something you inherit. If you receive an inheritance; that means it was something that belonged to someone else before you. Our children are an inheritance from the Lord.

God so gently reminded me in that moment, that my baby wasn’t my baby at all. My baby was His baby and had I gotten the opportunity to raise them on earth, it was with the understanding that I was raising that baby for the Lord. He reminded me that my ultimate goal for that baby was accomplished. That child is in Heaven, they made it!! Whatever God’s reasons were for it to be so early in life as opposed to later, I don’t know. What I do know is that my baby is home, where they belong. My baby is home where I so long to be. I look forward to going home soon to be with my baby.

Psalm 147:3 says, "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds". Scripture is full of similar verses. The Lord has great plans for you and He is there to heal your broken heart and bind up your wounds. He promises He will never leave us nor forsake us and that He will be there for us. Ephesians 2:20-21says, "Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." He has good plans for us and He can do more than we can ask or imagine. Trust Him today to bring His good and perfect plans to pass and rest knowing that your baby is home, right where they belong!
　

Mother's Day: Here Comes Another One!

If there were ever a specific day of the year that I both appreciate and dread all at the same time, it's Mother's Day. I know it seems strange that being a mom and still having my mom around that I could dread a day focused on celebrating moms. Why is that? Let me start with the appreciation part, then I will move onto why I dread it.

I have a nine year old son who I love dearly. He makes me laugh, smile, and if I'm being honest, occasionally he also makes me want to scream, but what young boy doesn't at one time or another have that effect on women! He is a great kid and I am proud that he calls me mom.

I also have a great mother of my own. She has always made great sacrifices for me and my brother and sister. She put all of us through private school our entire school career. None of us ever went to public school. Living where we did growing up, I am eternally grateful for that sacrifice. I don't remember a time that we ever went without the things that we needed and everyone except mom generally got the things that they wanted. Mom never really went out and shopped for herself and I remember being glad the few times I remember her doing that. Again, sacrificing for the rest of us. I love my mom very much and even though I don't say it often enough, I sincerely appreciate everything she has ever done for me.

While I have a great son and mom to celebrate with, the last few years I have not looked forward to Mother's Day. Somewhat because I often feel guilty that I don't always buy my mom a present. It makes me feel like a terrible kid. I also don't always go see her on Mother's Day. I'll try to call her, but is that really enough?

I also feel like there is a part of me missing on Mother's Day. About seven years ago, I had a miscarriage. Most of the time I don't think about it, but days like this one make me feel like a part of my family is missing. I wasn't far enough along to know if it was going to be a boy or a girl, but John believes it was a girl. I picture a little girl running around with curly blonde pigtails and blue green eyes. I think about how great of a big brother Jonathan would be and how many times he has asked for a baby brother or sister. I think about all the time my mom and I spent in Girl Scouts or doing crafty things, or me learning how to sew, cross-stitch, plastic canvas, latchook, etc. I think about how cool it would be to be able to teach those things to a daughter. I think about the memories I have of all that with my mom and I wonder if I will ever have that from a moms perspective.

I also honestly don't feel like a good mom. I take care of necessities, but I fall extremely short when it comes to spending quality time with my son. Maybe it's because I don't have cool boy stuff to teach him. Maybe it's because of all the other things racing around in my mind all the time. Either way, it's unfair that he is going to grow up and think back on his childhood and probably remember playing alone in his room more than anything. He doesn't complain and he generally goes to his room on his own, but what is he going to say about me when he grows up?

So, my plans for this Mother's Day include going to church with my family, calling or going by to see my mom, maybe a movie/game night with my boy, and thanking God for raising my baby in heaven!

I'm Not Alright - Sanctus Real

The Hiding Place

I have heard of Corrie Ten Boom throughout my life but had never read her story. I decided recently that I wanted to do that. The Hiding Place is the story of Corrie Ten Boom and her family as they live their life doing what they believe is right. During World War II, Corrie and her family helped hide Jews from the Nazi’s in an attempt to help them escape the Nazi Concentration Camps. The Hiding Place is the story of this effort and what happened to them when they got caught by the Germans.

Two of the main characters in this book are Corrie Ten Boom and Betsie Ten Boom (Corrie’s sister). The relationship between Corrie and Betsie really intrigued me. While Corrie is the one we hear about the most, Betsie is the one who holds Corrie together and keeps her focused on the Lord and trusting in Him. Corrie tended to be the one to think through the logistics of how things were going to turn out while Betsie just trusted that God was going to handle everything.

Despite living through terrible conditions in Nazi Concentration Camps, Betsie continued to love others and forgive even those who did such horrible things to them. She showed a kind of love that most of us would not have the strength to. She saw even the German officers as people whom God created and loved.

This book was incredibly inspiring and completely worth the time to read. It makes me want to strive to be like Betsie in all situations. I highly recommend this book!

Rivers of Living Water

I am by no means an expert on the Holy Spirit. I am ill equipped to even attempt to write a blog post about Him as I do not have great background knowledge, but what I do have is personal experience and moments from Him that I want to reflect on.

John 7:37-39 says: On the last day, that great day of the feast, Jesus stood and cried out, saying, “If anyone thirsts, let him come to Me and drink. He who believes in Me, as the Scripture has said, out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.” But this He spoke concerning the Spirit, whom those believing in Him would receive; for the Holy Spirit was not yet given, because Jesus was not yet glorified.

I have read this scripture before and struggled to really understand what Jesus was promising would come. I may be a bit literal in my thinking, but hearing “out of his heart will flow rivers of living water” is something that is not easily comprehended for me. I remember as a teenager hearing this verse and thinking the same thing. While I knew it didn’t mean literal rivers flowing out a person’s heart, what exactly does it mean?

Again, I am not an expert, so I’m not going to give you some definition and tell you that this is exactly what this means. What I will say is this: The Holy Spirit, if we allow Him to, can infiltrate every single part of our life: the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful. He is our friend, our comforter, our companion, and our guide. He is many other things as well. As we allow the Holy Spirit to be all of those things to us, we fill ourselves up with Him; then we will overflow with His love and peace. That doesn’t mean that we don’t struggle in life, but we have the ability (the help) to get through the trial. I also believe that we will overflow with His love for others and will want to share His love with anyone who will listen.

The pictures you see in this post are a few pictures I took on a trip to Denver. Outside the hotel was a three tiered pond. In between each tier was a rock wall that created a small waterfall at each level. I was walking around outside the hotel and looking at this pond. I was intrigued with it. Not that I haven’t seen ponds and waterfalls before, but this one seemed so pretty to me. It was peaceful, serene, and calming. I was walking around it, taking some pictures, when I suddenly stopped. I thought; this is how the Holy Spirit moves. He flows in our lives and increases us to the next level in Him.  He flows over the rocky parts of our lives and helps us through them and when we reach the end of those rocks, we come out on the other side, calm, peaceful, intact, and still moving forward.

My prayer for each of you and myself today, is that the Holy Spirit will move in your life and mine today. That He would carry you and me through the trials and that He will be your calm, your peace, and your comfort today. Holy Spirit dwell today in me and help me to continually dwell in you. Use me to show the love of Jesus to others today and help me to be your light as I go through this day. Bring the people into my path who need you Jesus and help me to say or do exactly what they need me to for them to see you. Thank you for your love and your salvation! Thank you for the ability to share those with others. Thank you for your unfailing kindness and your faithfulness. Thank you for loving me and giving me the opportunity to love others.